As I sit here typing this I hope my thoughts escape my mind through my fingers onto the screen. I need relief from my wondering anxious mind. I keep thinking and overthinking stupid little things and creating a ball of anxiety that sits on my chest making it hard to breathe. If I could stop I would but its not that simple its never been or will be. Anxiety isn’t butterflies in the stomach (you have no idea how much I miss that feeling) or stumbling on words when your crush says hi to you but its crippling, scary, physical and mental pain. Its almost like having a heart attack but there isn’t a thing you can do once a panic attack starts. It doesn’t just stop it almost becomes apart of you. Sometimes you get a moment of relief and it scares you because you forgot how anxious you were because that all you know. I will always be this way. Its become who I am despite how much I hate it. I personally don’t think people fully “recover” sure you can go along time with out “symptoms” of mental illness but its still with you. when your sad your a little more sad then the usually person, when your nervous its a little more anxiety. You can get better and manage it but its with you. I don’t mean to be a gloomy person and you may believe that there is a cure and if that’s what you believe that’s cool but I don’t. 9 years I’ve lived the way I have and 5 of those years I have been n medications and in therapy and I have gotten better but is because I can manage it not because I am being cured. There is a difference.
♥ mac
inside my anxiety 