Social Anxiety is the anxiety disorder I was diagnosed with at 13. I couldn’t attend classes, I couldn’t attend hockey, I couldn’t make it out of my bed in the morning. I used to make my self throw up in the morning just so I didn’t have to go to school. I would cry, kick, scream and have panic attacks almost everyday just at the thought of going anywhere with lots of people. I thought I was invisible. I honestly thought nobody knew who I was and that was the only form of comfort I had. I didn’t think people would notice if I was there or not. People used to say “hi” to me or try talking to me but I always thought it was some kind of joke, I mean everyone knew my friends I was just the invisible shadow that followed behind them, right? I apparently have been labelled a “bitch” and honestly never meant to be I just push people away to protect myself and thought anyone who tried taking to me was paid to or in someway making fun of me… I don’t know. I feel horrible about it all because it was only in the last few months that I have actually really realized people know who I am. People have told me that they’ve heard lots about me and for life of me I have no idea who the heck they are or people say hi to me and I can recognize their face but not their name. The fact is I made everyone invisible to me instead of thinking I was invisible to them. Anxiety blinded me. I wish I knew then what I know now and maybe id be in a different place.
♥ mac
inside my anxiety 